|no puedo con el corazón
||[Sep. 19th, 2006|09:54 am]
|||||malo - bebe||]|
hmm so things got interesting. text war insued. duration? couple of days. i was happy
then i got jealous over a silly phone call to M
yesterday i talked to P and it was the best convo i had in a while. about me and a bit about otherman. im torn. i honestly am. i cling onto whatever otherman hands me. hints, maybes etc. and i shouldnt. i need to get up on my own. im torturing myself. im riding this emotional rollercoaster.
P told me (as others have) that i shouldnt. and i should let go. and move on. be strong. let go. his loss. feel sorry for him. he's missing out.
for now i just do what i do and have no expectations or hopes. and if something great comes along then whats to stop me.
P said i shouldn't get hung up on one person. which i am. im so hung up.
P said sometimes we look for signs where there aren't any, we see what we want to.
what stings is that i know we could have had something and he didnt do anything about it and i'll be wondering what if, and i shouldnt. if it didnt happen it didnt happen for a reason. im just stubborn and used to getting my way i guess.
P said when you really want something to happen you keep trying for it, its natural, which is what's risky about relationships, it's a two-way street unlike so many other things in your life, the best thing you can do for myself, and he knows this is way easier said than done, is to move past the "ifs" so that i can be ready for the real guy who i'm meant to be with.
P reasured me that i'm not the only one that feels this way (meaning i dont want to be a fling or a call) he said i deserve what i want and i want a real relationship and there's nothing "non-fun" about that.
P told me to be rational not emotional.
only time will tell i guess.